burning bridges

So I asked a person I worked with recently to be a professional reference, and he refused.  All things considered, I don’t blame him.  But it doesn’t stop me from thinking that it was still really fucked up.  He’s a respectable bloke, I’ll give you that.  I guess my code of ethics differ greatly from his though, in terms of references being equivalent to ‘likes!’ in social media.  I did do good work, and he knows that.  So yeah, that was still fucked up, bro.

Me and that workplace parted ways most unceremoniously, in that the environment was quite toxic.  I’d get paid a decent sum at the end of two weeks, but then I had started drinking to forget the miserable atmosphere.  Among other things happening in my life.  In the long term perspective of having a career, I thought that I didn’t have a choice in the matter but to deal with the bs.  But I was literally dying as a result of being there.  So, without realizing it, I stopped giving a shit.  Started coming to work late and not sober in various ways, but still got the job done.  It wasn’t enough, as bureaucratic places go, and I was let go.

Now that I seek employment once more, I seem to be faced with an important choice.  Work directly on long term career development at the expense of the progress I’ve made with improving my health and personal relationships?  Or do something more flexible that may set my career back a few months or years but allow for more healing time with all the health care providers I’ve been seeing?  My thoughts are leaning towards the latter, considering how desperate I have been feeling to alleviate the pains of existence.  Burning more bridges for the sake of keeping my sanity is something I really don’t mind doing, but I’d rather save my lighter fluid for when the pilot light goes out on the stove.