burning bridges

So I asked a person I worked with recently to be a professional reference, and he refused.  All things considered, I don’t blame him.  But it doesn’t stop me from thinking that it was still really fucked up.  He’s a respectable bloke, I’ll give you that.  I guess my code of ethics differ greatly from his though, in terms of references being equivalent to ‘likes!’ in social media.  I did do good work, and he knows that.  So yeah, that was still fucked up, bro.

Me and that workplace parted ways most unceremoniously, in that the environment was quite toxic.  I’d get paid a decent sum at the end of two weeks, but then I had started drinking to forget the miserable atmosphere.  Among other things happening in my life.  In the long term perspective of having a career, I thought that I didn’t have a choice in the matter but to deal with the bs.  But I was literally dying as a result of being there.  So, without realizing it, I stopped giving a shit.  Started coming to work late and not sober in various ways, but still got the job done.  It wasn’t enough, as bureaucratic places go, and I was let go.

Now that I seek employment once more, I seem to be faced with an important choice.  Work directly on long term career development at the expense of the progress I’ve made with improving my health and personal relationships?  Or do something more flexible that may set my career back a few months or years but allow for more healing time with all the health care providers I’ve been seeing?  My thoughts are leaning towards the latter, considering how desperate I have been feeling to alleviate the pains of existence.  Burning more bridges for the sake of keeping my sanity is something I really don’t mind doing, but I’d rather save my lighter fluid for when the pilot light goes out on the stove.

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5 thoughts on “burning bridges”

  1. I’d say follow your heart. Go with what you need to do to heal your wounded soul and do what you see fit to nourish your body, mind, and heart. Take your time to become well and happy once again. It sounds to me like you were in a VERY toxic work environment, and fuck that guy for not doing the right thing and giving you a reference. At the end of the day, he’s the one who has to live with himself, and you can at least rest easy knowing that you’re outta there and onto bigger and better things! I wish you all the best in your new ventures! Lots of love and positivity sent your way my dear! 😚 πŸ’‹ ❀

    Liked by 2 people

      1. You are more than welcome!
        Exactly, you have to take care of yourself, first and foremost! 😘 πŸ’– And thank you! πŸ’‹

        Liked by 1 person

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