Another lunar cycle complete, the cycle continues.
In the North, the time of harvest as winter slowly approaches. For the polar opposite, the days grow longer. (And I guess it doesn’t really matter in between…)
Been reminiscing about the years since the turn of the millenium. Especially 2007, taking an introductory philsophy class and recovering from a crippling depression the year before due to… loneliness. Feeling like I couldn’t relate to anyone, not having a clear path to follow on so many levels.
What gave me pleasure? Was pleasure all there was to existence?
That year, I learned that material excess does not translate into a ‘happy’ life. One lesson of many. I did not fully understand though how to maintain one’s constitution though in order to last for many years, and that such measures extended beyond mere victuals. Peace of mind.
Much of this encompasses the courage to be one’s true self, despite having to bear the pain of disappointing not only the ones you love but also of failing to meet those goals you’ve made of yourself. The trauma is still felt, yet I’ve learned to count my blessings and eventually recover.
There’s this spot in the city where I nearly died. I pass by it all the time, and the feeling gives me chills. (I could have perished not knowing what I currently know and enjoy.) The smile of a child, my own.
This morning, I awoke wishing that someone was in the same bed as me. As the day progressed, I forgot about that wish and counted my lucky stars that I didn’t kill myself shaving. :’) Cooking myself poverty meals fit to be sold, growing older with grace and serenity. Listening to my heart which remains a child, my own.
Quietly munching on youthful blades of dark green kale doused in sesame oil, honey and sea salt in the quiet of my room. The little things in life can be enough to live for, they say.
The heaviness of a heart slowly releasing the accumulated poison contained within. Perhaps never to function as it did while 17 years of age, but as healthy as it needs to be for any given age… hopefully. You never know what’s gonna happen. I’m not invincible, nobody is. To those of you who know me that I love and don’t get a chance to see after today or to respond to your letters, I wish you well.