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👻rock steady (state of consciousness post)👻

citrus fruits help keep me sane during these winter months.
dining on a budget is another story…

talk about feelin’ schitzo~

Would love to say something inspirational, or flowery, or even downright lusty, but the truth is that I’m feeling kinda messed up on a purely physical level. low metabolism, and for good reason!  just need to chill… er, it’s too cold to chill… well, you know what I mean!

Job search stuff is okay.  Again, being on public assistance makes it WAY less stressful.  Less like that ‘gun to your head’ feeling of last year, and more like, ‘my time is worth more than X$/hr.’ What is your time worth?  yolo

don’t really feel like blogging today. but I must.  validation helps.  alcohol helps sometimes.  oi.  makes me feel like rick james, lol.

the experience of living can be quite stressful at times, hell I’ve already lost a fair bit of hair in the process.  feeling what it’s like to get older, and it’s not all pretty.  ran for the bus yesterday for the equivalent of two NYC blocks, and was winded for 15 minutes after.  not typically, but then again… life hasn’t been typical since… well, almost a decade ago.  Ups, downs and many sideways motions… but still here.  I am thankful that I am still here.  Nothing but divine grace keeping me alive right now.

Saturn… the cross… mercy…

I’ve met so many beautiful people this year alone.  Rediscovered the best parts of my familiar daemons, as well.  I fall deeper in love with love, with the people of this world whom have persevered.  With children, who have no clue what is to come… God grant mercy on their hearts.

Sometimes I feel like giving up, but then I’m reminded that it can be really lovely underneath it all.

23 thoughts on “👻rock steady (state of consciousness post)👻”

  1. I know about the ups and downs of life…my roommate went to jail…gonna come out a felon on probation…so I’m looking at double the bills…and booze don’t help me…nor pills…you ran 2 blocks?! Congratulations!!! If I say run I’m winded…I make too much money for public assistance but enough to pay taxes, student loans and rent…but billion dollar corporations get bailouts…oh the justice right? and my computer got sick and that’s another $100…

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    1. it’s funny how much I took being able to run for granted… and I know first hand about the student loan thing, I KNOW. Thanks for helping me place things into perspective. 😊

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    2. ‘if i say run i’m winded’ lmao. people need to get bailed out of their student loans and there should be more of a social welfare infrastructure thing which focuses more on health than profits. i mean, with so much land and knowledge, the idea of the earth being naturally abundant… so much to say about it, y’know? i think of the free book ‘sacred economics’ @ http://sacred-economics.com/

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  2. I think we are all in this hustle and bustle tryin’ to make a dollar outta fifteen cents cause I know I am. You’re not alone but the fact that you’re survivin’ tryin’, and refuse to give in to dyin’ is making you all that and a bag of chips. No need to feel in the schnitz when you doin’ that.
    Sometimes we can’t always preach the positive when confronted with so many negatives, but as long as you believe in Him, then you should know that “Everything’s gonna be alright” as Naughty by Nature would sing it. Our time is worth money and as long as it’s an honest buck, you’ll get to where you going. I know some people who goes grocery shopping wearing a ski mask and gloves. ;o)
    Life can be full of stress, it’s a trip, but there is no getting old, only the illusion of it cause you’re as young as you feel. And it may not be pretty but rest assured that we are all beautiful. And you running two blocks, hell, I got asthma so I probably couldn’t crawl a block let alone stand to walk it so you’re already ahead of the pack.
    This is the place to meet some genuine folks and you’ve probably met some beautiful people, but if you want to see some beautiful people, you need only look into a mirror. So no matter how bad things look, how schiznitty things feel, it’s like the song goes…..”Underneath it all” you’ll be fine….”No Doubt”. Play on words but like Montell Jordan would say….”This is how we do it”.
    Didn’t mean to preach but keep your head up, and you’ll always be above water.

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  3. I feel you man, we can only count our blessings yo..To be honest they always say think about the people who have it worse off but does that truly make anyone happy? I doubt it, I think its good to vent out the negative, the shitty, the depressing, down in the gutter feelings because without that we wouldn’t know a happy or bliss. Shit sucks but its worth it in the end as they say, but who really knows I don’t remember the end or know how it will end…Just gotta have faith that it’s better than this. Much love

    Live long and prosper

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  4. I know what it´s like. I spend a lot of time prepping for poverty. Hours in the kitchen doing it all from scratch and planning out things meticulously for cost and time efficiency. But it is a thing to be proud of, a life worth living. Small things are cause for celebration, when you haven´t got the big things!

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  6. I’ve listened to reggae an evolution of rock steady since I discovered a Bob Marley Uprising tape (yes a tape), when I was around 12 yrs old. Some of my best memories are of doing nothing. Listening to some reggae, the world was something amazing, like a fresh spring day of the mind. Anyway I loved your post here, the title just kinda hit me perfect too, hence the story. Thanks Xeno

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  7. Gwen Stefani is a beassst. Plus also I thought it said : “You don’t really love me underneath it all.” This is way more cheerful. Hooray 😀 You’re awesome don’t give up ^_^

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