drinking vanilla (full moon, revisited)

Have you ever felt like there existed some sort of weight on your psychic frame that takes months, years to shake off?

Alone, in my room, patch-work memories of the lives I used to live slowly filter back into my consciousness.Β  Central to these thoughts were the question, ‘did I possess the gratitude necessary to fully relish those moments?’Β  Taking moderately decent health for granted, it seemed.Β  The past year had me feeling so physically wrecked that even the State of New York considered me partially disabled.Β  Manual labor for a while was out of the question.Β  And emotionally there’s been so much going on that my inner child would cry itself to sleep, quite a far cry from what I used to be.

I’ve spent so many moons sitting in this room, isolated from the world except by the invisible umbilical cord of my dial-up internet cell phone.Β  I used to be chummy with co-workers, until I learned the hard way that sometimes it’s better to just keep to yourself – people that just spite you for no reason.Β  Far cry from the world of Fred Rogers, Bob Hope & company… really saddening that we can’t just get along, but I gotta get paid.Β  Nitrogen bubbles cracking along my spine, endless hours on Google trying to find the approximate elixir of long, healthy living.

And I’m still kinda fucked up, but I’m getting better. :’)

July 13, 1946

Dear General MacArthur

With your permission
I offer wishes of good health
During this heat
That burns anything

The words I slowly put together
Do not flow easily, they only fill my heart

Recently, fulfilling
Your heart’s desire
You removed the whaling
Your gesture brings
A much needed food
To our community
And families

The words I slowly put together
Do not flow easily, they only fill my heart

A million year old fossil
I send to you
This comes from my family
And the ancient sea
A prehistoric impression
Of the modern krill
She feeds the noble whale
And offers you longevity

The words I slowly put together
Do not flow easily, they only fill my heart

Finally, please take good care in the heat

Sincerely yours


9 thoughts on “drinking vanilla (full moon, revisited)”

    1. smart recovery sounds cool, especially the part about maintaining motivation. I haven’t been checking my reader often (plus the 300+ blogs I’m subscribed to πŸ˜…), so it’s been a while since I’ve seen you. thanks for stopping by! πŸ˜€ take care.

      – some bloke

      Liked by 1 person

    1. thanks for visiting. 😁 and ye, the word ‘gratitude’ was floating around in my head today and this song I heard like 5-6 years back drifted into my consciousness out of nowhere. interesting that it was a real letter from a Japanese citizen after Hiroshima burned. πŸ’ž

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Hello my
    friEnd M..
    now kNown
    as some bloke too…
    The college i graduated
    from.. yes.. with three degrees..
    all emboldened with a humble yet
    very lasting shell of Nautilus in total
    exquisite workmanship to protect from
    oncoming predators to eat the softer life inside..
    comes with a logo
    from Oliver
    to build
    more stately
    mansions in living life
    too in excellence as college
    is supposed to prepare one for life…
    weLL.. what it did prepare me for was handing
    out shoes at a small Military Bowling Center
    as the now humbled Nautilus who was always
    me found at least some niche w/rewards to get some gas
    money.. and other tools to meet women in bars then..
    hmm.. my 1970 Maverick wasn’t too impressive with
    no AC and Heat.. and ripped up dash board after
    bringing me to school.. with three part time
    jobs then.. ranging from Janitor.. adding
    Book Store Stocking Clerk.. also too..
    to Research Associate in Archeology..
    yes.. all three jobs at once with full school
    load too as pArt of a Degree in Anthropology
    to go along with the one in Social
    Sciences Interdisciplinary and
    Health Science too.. back in
    ’83.. it paid for the peanut
    butter sandwiches
    and gas
    and other stuff for school..
    anyway.. other than a few stiff
    dancing skills then.. and haha.. wearing
    cowboy books and fancy slacks for someone
    who had no idea what was in or out too.. oh.. the
    trials and errors of life.. if not for already a humble
    Nautilus.. me.. i would have been quite humiliatED if i had
    known any better then.. And this could really end up being a very long
    story of my life.. my friend.. but i think as you can see as you visit my
    blog.. life got better.. much better finally after working at that Bowling
    Center.. for around two decades.. a stint as an Administrative Assistant
    for a Captain of another military station.. Community Activities Director
    and finally Athletic Director of a military installation.. for the kid picked
    as the last on sports teams in school.. and also mistaken for a girl at
    McDonald’s around age 12 to 13 too.. oh yeah.. and there was that stint
    of living in real earth hell for 66 months as a shut-in in my underwear
    in my bedroom.. like that dude who sold meth in that famous TV show..
    i wasn’t selling anything but grabbing onto a string of anything.. even
    one word after i was able to do that after doing almost nothing at
    all but staring off into the distance and playing with words in
    my head.. backwards and forwards and upside down.. like
    those paintings that prisoners of war etch in stone
    fact is.. my friend..
    i had no hope then..
    as hope is an emotion and
    when one totally loses their
    emotions that is extremely rare
    for a non-brain injured person.. although
    no doubt my brain was cooked in deep down myelin
    sheaf ways then of nerves fried by flight or fight stress
    in the two years that preceded that hell back then.. i was
    the devil as that’s what happens when a human loses
    their emotions.. for all practical intents and purposes
    when the only feeling worth living is any pain at all..
    but here’s the thing.. there IS A Super Moon coming by
    the time i publish the part of a Nautilus Shell i am writing
    steadily at work.. for only the reward of doing this now.. same
    as i did in school.. and mostly at work at close to minimum wage after
    all that work… yes.. at GMT time on November 14th.. 2016 when i publish this
    all for free just for fun.. for the joy of the Nautilus who builds a shell of mansion
    and at the end of life someone says aren’t you proud of what you did and you say
    i care
    i lived
    i liveDevil too..
    livEvil staRat2
    and the Nautilus
    shell that comes
    from all of this.. is just
    something on a beach to
    be washed up on another ocean
    front of being life.. who kNows/feels perHaps
    in a record oF a new fossil way of new manmade
    technology too.. and like the never ending story.. i
    will scream moon child if i can do anything to
    with all
    of that..
    so i sing
    MoonChild! today
    my friend.. cloSinG in
    on Supermoon Monday for now..
    closest to Earth Since ’68 at 8 years me..
    and sure.. the moon IS A child of earth and
    so are all of we.. same as daughters.. sons.. Etc..
    as crucible of and as Star Burst plus Sentient Stuff we Live..
    And all
    of that
    IS A
    Miracle oF noW..:)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hope” is the thing with feathers –
    That perches in the soul –
    And sings the tune without the words –
    And never stops – at all –

    And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –
    And sore must be the storm –
    That could abash the little Bird
    That kept so many warm –

    I’ve heard it in the chillest land –
    And on the strangest Sea –
    Yet – never – in Extremity,
    It asked a crumb – of me.

    Emily Dickinson

    Patience, my friend. “Waiting is.” — Michael Valentine Smith

    Liked by 2 people

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