cataclysm (worst case scenario)

I can only let you down at this point. Abandon your wildest hopes for me as I channel the lost souls of Hendrix and Robin Williams in real time.

It’s not my intention to cause grief and sadness, yet my existence appears to require it.  No happy ever afters, just runaway tachycardia and shame to those whom have known me.

My actions, inspired by that which is sweeter than reason.  Wishing to make amends, but only within certain guidelines. 

A blocked fifth chakra and wicked inferiority complex. ‘Never knows best.’ Peace in solitude.

Half suicidal, living in hope for a better tomorrow. Not enjoying the present moment, living off nostalgia and earthbound dreams.

Runaway tachycardia. Somewhat afraid, and totally unsure of what to do. 

Wishing for a simple kind of life before reaching for the stars again. Seeking happiness from within and without, reading through WordPress blogs tagged about #depression.

One of those days, one of many. Perhaps the issue is that I foolishly hope that one day I’d never have to feel like this again. Well, not the inferiority part; that part of me can forever go to hell. I mean the part about feeling disappointment! Setting goals and failing. Sometimes the goals are unrealistic. This year has taught me that more than any other.

hope everyone’s in better spirits. I have much to be thankful for, but I can’t just turn off the negative emotions, so here it is. maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow, idk.

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10 thoughts on “cataclysm (worst case scenario)”

  1. Seems like I learn a lot more from my failures than from my successes. And really, both failures and successes are not usually permanent. Down and up, up and down, like a roller coaster. Such is life. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. In this universe, everything is balanced by it’s polar opposite; this is simple physics, we all can observe it in reality. Our spirits reflect that duality, as does our consciousness; this is our strength and our our flaw, for it gives us the power to judge, according to our ego’s reaction to whatever we perceive. Thus all our joy is only as deep as our ability to accept our pain; it’s a hard lesson to learn, but, once understood, even when down, it brings with it the knowledge that change is the only thing you CAN count on; it WILL be different tomorrow, even if only by degree of negativity. Then, it will change again…. The trick is to learn how to direct the flow of change to our advantage, without trying to stop it.

    Let if be, and it will pass. Dwell upon it, and it seems to stay longer…

    As for goals, realistic is good. Purposeful is better. You know your duty; you chose it. Your goals should help you fulfill your purpose; then, whether you fail or succeed, you will still know it is in the right direction….

    Love

    gigoid

    Liked by 1 person

    1. accepting pain and the fact of not always being able to succeed… ugh. the intensity of the pain sometimes has me forgetting my goals, and patience. but I can recall moments where failing helped me far more than if I succeeded, if for no other reason than to advise others what not to do. (bitter silver linings – if I remember correctly, there’s more than a few bitter plants out there that help clean the blood. 😁)

      Thanks for the bittersweet advise, it is greatly appreciated. Wishing you and yours well.

      m

      Liked by 2 people

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