Did any of you grow up with the saying, ‘take you home to see my mother?’ lol. My parents, God bless them, prolly won’t be meeting any of my friends in their lifetimes. And that’s okay!
I’d like to think that I’ve seen and done enough to consider the taboos of their generation (especially as it relates to political correctness & sexuality) as being mundane, almost boring. Finger wagging and shaming’s just a poor choice of energy utilization; there are people literally starving to death, so why can’t we focus on that awhile? (But that’s not what this rant is about today, lol.)
The past few weeks have got me like a psychic vegetable of sorts, heheh. Eat, sleep, blog… and, since I can’t set root into the mercurial concrete of NYC’s jungle, I work to exchange green paper for Earth’s natural treasures of fruit, vegetables and fish. Breathing in fresh air, getting really excited over… purchasing a blender?!! are the highlights of my day as of late.
Okay, I’ll cut to the chase. This post is about… you know…
People get into relationships for different reasons. I remember once wanting to get married ‘cos everyone at my church was doing it, and it was the only way to get laid if you were a devout churchgoer. But I obeyed the Bible out of fear or hell, and not of love. Once that fear disappeared with the introduction of existential philosophy, so did the rules of my celibacy. But I still believed in that ‘one person for life’ mantra.
I believed it ’til the end of my last relationship. Two people can deeply love each other, but sometimes there are too many other ‘structural’ differences to make it truly work. And you only live once, and you ain’t getting that time back. I am a war veteran whom has contemplated on the topic of death for some time, so time is forever of the essence. The pain of literally carrying around instruments of death persists to this day. So I must live to the fullest, or none at all.
I still believe it to be possible, to love someone until the end of your life. To make promises and vows kept in your heart which you are loath to break. But… how will you find that right person if you’re forever stuck in Plato’s allegorical cave, waiting for that one? I used to feel bad wearing my heart on my sleeve, writing verses of love and longing in hopes that someone would look and say, ‘Yes, I wouldn’t mind cosying myself up next to you even if we’re just being vegetables together.’ Afraid of being judged, like I was when living at home with my parents.
I am no less of a person to want to be loved in special kinds of kinky ways. 😉 Perhaps the next person I grow close to may be the only one for me whom I die happy with, lol idk. Perhaps I am too ‘promiscuous’ in a sense, to wish to freely enjoy the pleasures of being with another as I once have. (But this has always been me.) I watch
soft-core erotica porn with the sense of, ‘well, if this person were to truly enter my room and ask if I’d like to… would I truly refuse?’ This year of our Lord 2016 has found me unequivocally saying ‘hell no’, at least as a single person. Especially when the lady in question looks really happy about recreating the conditions of our existence on camera, legitimately moaning in ecstasy. For me to wish to please another in such a way is quite normal, I think. Having a daughter, I dunno… maybe I’d know ’bout that? 😉
Besides the pleasure of making love itself, the point really is to grow and build something sweet with another. I could see it. I want it. A genuine warm smile, reflected glory of the Sun, planets and outer stars.
‘cos i mean… if the love is there, without the energy-wasting emotions of guilt and shame over ANTIQUATED, DYING TABOOS, then who the fuck really cares?
I do wonder if the flames of my desire would cloud my better judgment and lead me down a path of pain and regret. And sometimes I wonder if I should just keep my thoughts to myself. But I have already found kindred spirits on the basis of electrical & light signals relayed through WordPress servers, so censorship is not the answer. I’ve tasted the bittersweet fruits of love & want moar, and… I am blessed as it is. I desire a superabundance of love grown on the fertile soil of good intentions. You know what they say about good intentions, but what else do we really have to work with?
Open your mouth and say
Say what your soul sings to you
Unless you ask it to
The thoughts that make you blue
The things that bring you down
Only do harm to you
And so make your choice joy
The joy belongs to you
You’ll find the one you love is you
You’ll find you
To open your heart and pray
Say what your soul sings to you
That you can’t feel it near
That tickle on your hand
That tingle in your ear
Oh ask it anything
Because it loves you dear
It’s your most precious King
If only you could hear
You’ll find the one you need is you
You’ll find you