β˜€day 10420 – slow burnβ˜€

i like peace an’ quiet.

don’t really like feeling so feverish with desire most of the time.Β  my nearly 30 year old bones are hardly able to contain the heat, and I am forced to wear hoodies in summertime. maybe it’s because the open spaces of my body are so expanded due to years of steamy showers, pornography and hot air inhaled from smoking for so many years. so cold in the winter, seeking warmth from without.

mary jane tempers my emotions to a remarkable degree, making it easier to be content with the pleasures of simple survival. Sustenance, healthy environs and digital entertainment. The path of smoke soothes my heart’s chakra, transmuting the chaotic energies of the root chakra into the creative ones of the fifth and beyond. (But perhaps it affects my ability to be… grounded? What does it mean to be such when altered states of consciousness are the new normal?) materiel for another post, I think.

It’s easier to see lust as something that’s unsustainable for me without expending considerable amounts of energy I just don’t have. A decade and a half of petit morts have taken their toll, and I feel frigid. This, and the conditional affections of those whom I couldn’t see eye to eye with. Poor dietary nutrition as well. The present demands of physical existence tire my heart out easily, and I don’t feel comfortable anywhere else but the largest parks in summertime and under heavy blankets in the dead of winter.

Having another child is presently out of the question. Too… complicated. My heart is open to be loved again and to love, but only so far. Unconditional, agape, like that of a child…

… my sweet love child. I look into your eyes, and I can see forever…

… I want something simple, uncontrived of societal norms. A life of musical jam sessions, home cooked meals and good health. For a softer heart, I guess. Don’t remember meditating on death so often as now.

Quietly sipping on tea in your favorite place with a friend, no strings attached.

(But sometimes…)

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14 thoughts on “β˜€day 10420 – slow burnβ˜€”

  1. Sounds like you want to live in a hippy commune. And dude, can you really call that music? Sounds more like static to these very old ears. πŸ™‚

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with thinking about death. It’s the opposite of life, is it not? And it’s inevitable. But, we don’t have to dwell, right?

    Now that you recognize what kind of space you want, maybe it will be easier to find. πŸ˜€

    Now, THIS is what I call music:

    Liked by 1 person

    1. awesome music indeed 😊 reminds me of the time some Hari Krishna blokes were singing and dancing in Union Square about 9 years ago and I joined in while delightfully bemushroomed 😜 really appreciate the music and vids you link to in the comments. really keeps my spirits up! πŸ˜€

      I dunno how realistic it would be for me to live like a hippy, though I do tend to idealize the general positive vibe of those whom associate with the culture 😁! I’ve been to the peyote way Church of God in Arizona a few times, and wouldn’t mind trying out the staff’s lifestyle for at least a month or so. Don’t think I would’ve survived the sixties intact though, would probably end up all burnt out in the Haight as… I dunno.

      (I don’t tell a lot of people this, but I liked… er, appreciated Yoko Ono’s ‘Fly’ album. I think that makes me certifiable πŸ˜†)

      Hope you’re well. omnom-ing on chips like you to stay sorta satiated. ☺

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, we look back at the 60s with rose-colored glasses, but they were very turbulent times. I didn’t learn about this history until AFTER I got out of school. πŸ™‚ Still, at times it makes one wish for a country with a more engaged citizenry. Political apathy is understandable, but a little scary.

        I wish I had the guts to try peyote, but I’m old and afraid of risk. I remember a younger me, trying Ecstasy with a boyfriend because he talked me into it. Unfortunately (or fortunately, who knows), the pills were duds. (And so was he.) πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I haven’t really done my homework about those days :l, but it seems like the spirit hasn’t died. Maybe even fiercer, albeit quieter looking at first glance.

        I think the Internet is making it way easier to stay informed, as years of trolling around on reddit.com has caused me to believe. it all gets better with time, I hope!

        I wouldn’t say that you’re missing out on anything at all with ecstasy – maybe for the person not really in touch with their heart’s energy, but I think you’re okay! πŸ˜€ As for peyote though, I think that it’s history (especially that church in the aravaipa wilderness) is worth a glance.

        be well!!! 😁😁😁

        Liked by 2 people

      3. I don’t know how to use any other emojis except the basic ones. πŸ™‚ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜‰

        But I have to say, those three emojis at the bottom of your post are hilarious. They look like they’re wearing braces. And are also constipated. πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

      4. the colorful emoji are native to cell phones; I dunno how to find them on regular computers and laptops, which I assume you’re using~

        my favorites are πŸ˜€ XDD and ^_^V!

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Cell phones, I should’ve known. I have one of those cheap, pay-as-you-go phones, but it hasn’t been active in quite some time. I hate talking on the phone. And the keypads on cell phones are for, what, mouse hands? πŸ™‚

        Like

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