Gratitude: September 1: “baby love child”

wanting to be a good parent sometimes feels at odds with self-sufficiency.  during the weekdays, only a few hours after work before bedtime to start the same routine.

yet, it could be worse.  no work, and face abject poverty & malnutrition.  surviving, and not thriving.

I understand why my parents had to work the hours they did, now more than ever.  It wasn’t really a problem that they did it because they had to, much like I will most likely have to for quite a while from now.  And I am thankful that they volunteered to pick her up from school and keep an eye out for her a lil’ bit if I start working.  I didn’t really wanna bother them like this, but my hands are somewhat tied given the circumstances.

You, born out of love… you were no accident.  Things didn’t happen as I anticipated, but God knows how much worse it could have been.  Dodged many bullets of misery that exist in this world, and it feels quite unreal… living in a developed country, observing the norm of most of the world’s population barely surviving from afar.  Could’ve easily been me, or her.

In other news…

I interviewed, and I think I got the job!  It’s modest work for modest pay (10$/hour) breaking down computer parts, but it’s steady full-time work with the potential to grow into the kind of work that I’d like going into the future.  Plenty of manual labor though, at least initially.  Would be nice for the VA to prescribe me some decent painkillers to get through the initial few days… but I’m not complaining.  The interviewing bloke just said that I’d be clear to start once the background check is done.

ahh, the sun burned me up today.  i just feel like crashing into the mattress, but I gotta shower the day away.  just one of those days.

one more thing.

i’m not sure if it’s just me, but my head feels kinda funny when I eat king fish.  the same thing happened last night (and this afternoon) after I ate the mahi-mahi steaks that I cooked (both of which, by the way, are absolutely delectable!).  I wonder if it has something to do with the mercury content, especially considering that I’ve been eating fish every other day now.  Or I could just be paranoid; idk.  I’m really superstitious and a closeted hypochondriac, you know.

But, FYI, knowing what kind of fish has high levels of mercury in it is important; ‘specially for pregnant women and children.  just sayin’.

this song takes me back five years ago… before having a love child, haha.